I'm writing today to relieve a little stress and put some emotions on the table.
On March 30th, I got the best news. After trying for 6 months, Alan and I found out we were expecting our 3rd baby! I was beyond excited and we planned to tell our families on Easter. It was perfect. However, on April 11th, I suffered a miscarriage. It honestly was one of the worst experiences of my life. I didn't really know what to think. I kind of assumed it would just never happen to me, because I have had 2 perfectly healthy pregnancies. I pushed the emotions away and tried to "move on" as much as I could because Alan and I celebrated our 5 year Wedding Anniversary. I didn't want to be sad and mopey on our Anniversary. When our Anniversary was over all of the emotions came flooding back. I am getting a little better, but I still think about it every day. It usually hits me unexpectedly. A friends sister posted her due date was the day before my "due date", I had to call and cancel my 8 week check-up, I happen to think about babies while I'm at work (I work at a children's clothing store!), I got a baby shower invitation in the mail from a dear friend, and tomorrow would have been my doctor appointment. All of these things have happened with-in the last week or so. I sometimes wish I had never even known I was pregnant. I wish I would have just thought my period was a little late or something. Anything would be better than having to feel/experience this.
On a happier note, we sold our house in 2 days! And last week we found a new house to live in and are expected to move around mid July. So, here's to a new house, fresh start and new memories.
We told Alana we were getting a new house and asked her if she was excited and wanted a new house and she said, "Yes, and I want a new baby in the new house!" Ugh, Mommy does to Lane, Mommy does too!
