Friday Funnies

Since it's Friday, I thought I would share some of the fun happenings that went on at my house this week.
I will warn you....most of them are about Alana, because while Brynna is incredibly adorable, she just doesn't talk yet, so Alana kind of has the upper hand at funny things.

Monday: We went to a "play group" at the library. I am the planner for playgroups and outing for my Mom's group. I planned an outing at one of the local libraries for a "class" called Wiggles and Giggles. Soooo, on Monday we went there to see what it was all about. I loved it. It was incredibly cute. All the kids stood in the middle of the room and sang along to songs and did little hand motions. Alana, however, wanted nothing to do with it and sat in the corner, in a little window. (the window is full length...so she was sitting on a little ledge on the floor, pretty much.) I just thought it was funny. My little outgoing gal wanted nothing to do with the singing and dancing. She did warm up a little bit toward the end...maybe if we go again she will like it more. Later that day she was telling my mom (on the phone) about going to the library and she told her she was nervous! lol She actually said she was nervous about it!


Tuesday: The girls and I went to the mall to get Daddy his Anniversary present. I was getting something engraved, so I took Alana to the little play area to play and kill some time. When we got to the mall I discovered that there was not a jacket in the car for Alana. we normally just leave one in there and I just never think about checking to make sure it's still in there. And of course and it was a little chilly and raining. SO, I made her wear my jacket into the mall and then bought her a $2.99 jacket from Sears! lol The only slightly funny thing that happened at the mall was while I was looking at clothes in New York and Company, Alana kept yelling " Is that Michelle?!" " Is that Michelle?!"....about one of the sales associates. She thought it was my dear friend Michelle, I guess. Not sure why....the girl looked nothing like Michelle....maybe it was because she was friendly?? Who knows! But she thought for sure that girl was Michelle!!

Wednesday: We stayed home all day on Wednesday. So, Alana just played and watched tv all day. She came up to me, in the middle of playing and said, "Do you cover your nose when you sneeze?" I said, "yes" !!
She looked at me and smiled and said, "That's what big girls do!" lol I have no idea where that came from....no one had sneezed...she just wanted to clarify, I guess!


Thursday: We went out to Joann Fabric to pick up some fabric I had ordered and to pick up some new fabric to make a couple baby gifts. Alana loves to go anywhere, really. She just likes getting out of the house. It was a beautiful day, yesterday. So, when Alan got home we took the girls outside to play. When we were out there we saw a bunny and Alana loved it. It, of course, ran away....so later Alana started running around the yard, yelling, "Bunny Wabbit....Where are you" ! No bunny appeared....I'm sure it was hiding from the screaming toddler!


Friday:  It's only 9:48 am and i already have a funny to report! I usually let Alana just talk in her bed before I go get her. This morning she was quite talkative and all of the sudden yelled, " Hey, pillow, listen to me!! I told you!!" Apparently her pillow did something wrong and she was punishing it ! lol


She really cracks me up sometimes. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up and do a little recap every Friday.


May the funnies continue!!

Happy Happy Happy Happy....Anniversary!!

Today, April 14th, is mine and Alan's 4 year wedding Anniversary! It's so hard to believe it's been 4 years already!! I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever, and to be honest....having 2 children has made it that way. Not that we didn't have a strong marriage before children, but I can honestly say, parenthood and marriage suite us both very well.

And now, for a little trip down Memory Lane:

note: I can't find my professional pictures on my laptop and I'm,quite frankly, too lazy to go searching for my CD....so these are just shots from various cameras.

My Mom and I before the wedding.

My Dad and I before the wedding.

My nephew, Skyler. He was the Ring Bearer....he is now 7 (oh my word!!)

And we're married!! 

Our pretty wedding cake. My Aunt made it for us !! 

So, there ya go...that was 4 years ago. Almost to the exact time, too. If I remember correctly, we got married at 3:30 pm....it might have been 4:30 pm though (oh dear, now I can't remember...) Anyway, it was sometimes close to this exact time! lol 

Happy 4 years My Love!!

P.S. Stay tuned for more blogging about some crafty projects I'm working on!! Kitchen curtains and baby gifts are in the works!

Party Time!!

We celebrated Alana's 2nd Birthday on April 2nd, at my parents house. She was sooo super excited about her party and actually still talks about it everyday. I made the decorations myself and i think they turned out really cute.

Here are some pictures of the party:

This was before we left for Morgantown. Alan and Brynna had fun baking for the party!

The yummy Minnie Mouse sugar cookies we made as party favors!

Alana, testing out the icing!

My Dum-Dum Minnie Mouse creation.

 ( I found this idea on another blog...not my original idea!)

I love how it turned out. I think it ended up taking around 6 bags of Dum-Dums to complete it!

I made Mickey (for the boys) and Minnie (for the girls) party hats. Unfortunately, I forgot to have the kids wear them during the party. Oh well, they still looked cute!

The Minnie cake Alan and I made. For our first tiered cake and first experience with fondant, I am extremely happy with how it turned out!

Our little birthday girl. She's getting so big!!

Cheesing it up in her Minnie ears. Note: the ears didn't last much longer after the picture was taken. No amount of guilt will make this little lady give in and wear hair accessories! lol

She was very nervous about all the guests, at first. She warmed up quick though!

Sharing a little cake with her Minnie!

My absolute favorite picture from the party!! She was soooo excited when she saw Alan carry in the presents. She squealed and yelled "PRESENTS" !! And she's on her tippy tippy toes! So cute!!

Her favorite present. I think we may have a little musician in our future!

2 Years old! So hard to believe this little lady came from Alan and I.

Our Family! 

6 years of dating...4 years of marriage(tomorrow!)...and 2 beautiful children later. 

We are so incredibly blessed! I love my little family and can't wait to see where life leads us.

Note: Brynna kinda looks like a little boy in this picture. I swear she is wearing a Minnie outfit and had a cute headband on during the party...but somewhere in the passing of the baby it was taken off without my knowledge. 

Anyway, we had such a great time celebrating Alana's 2nd birthday with our family and close friends. 

Now to start thinking about Brynna's first birthday party!! lol

2 Years!!

Tomorrow, April 1st, my little Alana will be 2 years old!! I can't even believe it. It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in the hospital. Now, she is a crazy toddler that runs around like a wild woman and never stops talking. I mean really, she never stops talking! She says absolutely everything you can imagine and lets you know her opinion often. Everyday is an exciting adventure with her. She loves Dora and Mickey Clubhouse. Honestly, she probably watched way to much tv, but I credit it for a lot of the things she has learned. One evening, we all went downstairs to play. There is a large toy box with a lid that lifts and slides back out of the way...so it's a little tricky for her to get on her own. I was in the laundry room and heard her yelling "Ayudeme, Ayudeme" I told Alan I thought she was saying something in Spanish. So he looked

 it up and she was saying "Help me", In Spanish!! She learned how to say something in Spanish

 from tv!! She just amazes me sometimes. 

So tomorrow we are heading to Morgantown to get ready for Alana's 2nd birthday party, at my 

parent's house! The party is Minnie Mouse themed with lots of cute decor and snacks.

Alan and I made Minnie Mouse sugar cookies for the party today and when Alana saw the she

 said "How Wonderful! " lol 

I will definitely post an update with tons of pictures from the party. I have worked super hard on

 making all the decorations and prep for the party!! I hope she likes it!

Sleep??

Not being able to sleep has to be one of the most annoying things I've ever dealt with. It has been going on for far far too long. The first couple weeks I didn't really think much of it. I've never really been a great sleeper. I have never been one to fall right to sleep. My husband, however, falls asleep minutes after closing his eyes. I so wish that were me! I have always needed a tv to fall asleep. Which is a horrible crutch. I hope to avoid it with my kids, if possible. I don't remember a time that I didn't use a tv to help me fall asleep. I hate the dark...absolutely hate it. The unknown factor of it just totally creeps me out. I hate my creeky house and that it only makes noises in the middle of the night. I hate that I'm 27 years old and still have these irrational fears!
Seriously, I should be the one able to comfort my girls when they are older and afraid of the dark or the monster under the bed. But, I would be huddled on the bed with them, hiding under the covers.

Really, I just need to suck it up and keep calling the doctors office until I get an appointment or some answers. All of it stems from my postpartum depression/anxiety. When I had my check-up after having Brynna I talked to the doctor about my postpartum and she referred me to a place...maybe you could call it a clinic or something. Well, I called to get an appointment and the man that answered the phone was incredibly rude and condescending. He told me that I would need to talk to him on the phone for 15 minutes and then he would decide if he should refer me to see a doctor...and that I wouldn't be able to see a doctor for at least 3 months. Oh and to top it off he told me the only way he could speak to me and set up a possible appointment would be to give him my social security number. Ummm, no. So that was a dead end. I told myself I would just wait it out and if I didn't feel better I would call my doctor back and get a different reference. Well, it stayed the same...got a little worse...got a little better and then came back full force and has now resulted in me pretty much never sleeping and if I do happen to dose off  I wake up in a terror/panic multiple times a night. So on Friday I finally sucked it up and decided to call my doctor to get an appointment. I waited to call during Alana's nap, so there wouldn't be a screaming toddler in the background while I'm trying to talk to them. So, of course on Fridays the office closes at 2:00. Go figure.

I should have called back today....I so wish I would have. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm fine and don't really have the depression or anxiety anymore. I mean, I don't lay around the house in a funk or feel overwhelmingly sad. It's just like a switch goes off. If Alana is being really bad and throwing a tantrum...which happens more often than I wish to admit these days....I totally lose it. I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm having a complete nervous break down and collapse into a puddle of tears. It makes me feel like a horrible mom, and feel like my life is completely over. I know that's probably a little dramatic, but in the moment all I can think about is that it will always be like this...she will always be a brat...she will always kick and scream because she doesn't want to eat lunch or some other random thing. Alan and I will never be able to go out and leave her with a babysitter b/c I would be so embarrassed and feel horrible to make someone else deal with that.

The other switch that goes off is just immense sadness. I was in the car with just Alana the other day and a song came on the radio...I don't even remember what song it was....but it for some reason made me think of having another baby. This then spun me into a spiral of thinking how I will never, no matter how many children I have get to experience the type of birth I want. I will never get a baby placed on my chest after birth . I will always be strapped down and cut open. I will never get to go into labor on my own. And it all just made me sit at a red light and cry. I know, I know...big pity party for me. I know I should be (and I am) incredibly grateful that I am able to have healthy, beautiful children. But it's not how I pictured it. It's not what I wanted. I don't know anyone that dreams of having a c-section some day....if they do, that's strange.

The anxiety is just hard to explain. If you've ever imagined something bad happening....just imagine doing that all day, everyday. I can't sleep because every noise I hear I think is someone trying to break in or that someone is already in the house. I worry that maybe someone followed me home from the store and is just waiting for the wee hours of the morning to break in and kill us all. I worry about the house catching on fire. I worry about something horrible happening to my girls....choking, falling....really anything horrible that could happen to a person...I've worried about it happening to my girls.

This is really the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I try to act like it's not happening and go on with life. I don't even think my husband knows the half of what I'm dealing with in this head of mine. Not because he's not supportive or caring....but b/c I hide it from him. I'm embarrassed...ashamed...disappointed and feel like a failure because I can't get over this.

I know the solution will be counseling and medicine...but then the worrier in me doesn't want to take any medicine because I'm breastfeeding, and I don't want to give that up. It's really just a viscous cycle.

 A cycle of no sleep and taking care of kids. 

Ramblings

I've really got nothing but ramblings for this post. I feel like it's been a while since I updated...I'm to lazy to look to see what my last post was about, but I'm sure it was something depressing. So I am going to open this post with something happy!

Today, my little Brynna rolled onto her belly and lifted her head high up in the air. We have been waiting and waiting and waiting for her to do this. I think the little stinker just knew we all wanted her to do it, so she decided to make us sweat it out a little.

So, there she is...my little Brynna Boo ( as Alana and I affectionately refer to her). She was watching Alana color in this picture. She does love her big sister. If she's crying and I can't go to her right away I will often send in my little "helper" to assess the situation. Alana will go over and say "What's wrong Benna Boo?!" or "What doin Benna Boo?!"

Which brings me to my next ramble.....how the heck to nicknames start? In my experience, at least, they have been completely random. When I was pregnant with Alana I thought for sure we would call her Lainey all the time. I never call her Lainey...really ever. If I don't call her Alana, it's usually Lana or Lane and sometimes the occasional Lana Loo Who. But really, why on earth are those the nicknames that have stuck?! I know this is random...but it's 1:30 in the morning and everyone else in the house is sleeping, and here I am...wide awake! 

Which brings me to the next ramble..... I cannot sleep!! First I have trouble falling asleep and then if I do fall asleep I wake often. I mean seriously, why can't I sleep. I do not nap, and if I do manage to get both girls to nap at the same time and sneak a little snooze, it is rare and only like 20 minutes. Which would not affect sleep at night!! So, I just don't get it at all. It's really just pretty annoying. With all this awake time, I have lots of time to catch up on tv shows. I wish I had projects I could work on or something I could do to be productive, but everything I have to work on would probably create too much noise and wake someone up. I keep debating whether or not to make an appointment to talk to a doctor about that and the depression I still have occasionally, but I fear that they will say the answer will be some kind of medicine. I want to try to avoid as much medicine as I can while I'm nursing...even though the doctor has told me that there are medicines that are safe to take while nursing....I just can't stand the thought of something happening to Brynna as the result of me taking medicine. 

So there ya go, that's all the random ramblings I have for tonight.  

Whole lot of nothing

Today is a day that I really don't have a lot to write about. It's a Wednesday...which is a depressing day to me. Alan works and then has class until around 8, so I'm on baby duty all alone, the whole day. Not having a break makes for a pretty cranky mommy sometimes, but we make it through.

I feel like I've had such a weird week, emotions wise. I just feel blah. I think it must have to do with the weather and being stuck in the house all the time. I am also starting to feel the dreaded postpartum depression bubbling up again. I'm not sure that it ever really goes away, but it does ease up at times, but then comes back full force. Kind of teasing you or taunting you...it lets you get that reassuring feeling that you've beat it, just to come back and crash your world down around you. Sleepless nights are returning, which just makes things worse. I do get some sleep, it's just hard to fall asleep. I toss and turn and worry and then toss and turn some more, doze off just to wake up because I thought I heard something or to go check on the baby. Who, by the way, has moved into her crib and absolutely loves it and sleeps like a perfect angel all night.

I'm not really sure what is up with the depression...or if it really is depression. It's just strange. I don't feel sad all the time or worry non-stop, it's mostly at night or when I'm alone. Lately it has been worrying about things that I have absolutely no control over. I worry about things that I've done or said in my past that may have hurt peoples feelings. Or worry about why people don't like me. Have you ever sat and thought about that? About all the people that you know don't like you and just sit and think about what it is that you did to make them not like you? Well, let me tell you, it's depressing. I know not everyone in the world is going to love me, or even like me. But right now, that feeling of people not liking me is really depressing and hard to deal with. I know, ridiculous, right?!

I think once the girls are a little oder and the weather is nicer things will start looking up. I need to have the confidence I had when it was just Alana and I, all day. Not that Brynna is a difficult baby, it's just hard to travel anywhere with an almost 2 year old and a 3 month old....especially in the winter. I think once the weather is nicer and i'm able to get out of the house more, wrap Brynna up in her moby wrap and take Alana to story time at the library, or to the park to play, or the mall to play and shop. Right now I just feel defeated. I'm stuck in the house or close by, when we do go out, because I have a nursing baby and I'm not entirely comfortable nursing in public, even with my nursing cover.

So, anyway, here I am throwing myself a pity party, when I should really be thanking God for all of my incredible blessings. A wonderful, understanding husband and two beautiful children. That, I am incredibly thankful for.

To make me feel better, here are some pictures of my beautiful blessings!

My little bathing beauty. She loves her bath and is quickly outgrowing the little newborn sling in her little tub!

My girls! Alana loves holding Brynna and this particular time she actually sat still long enough for Brynna to fall asleep on her lap!

Brynna looks a lot like Alan. I think it's funny that siblings can look so different, but I love that they are so unique.

She is such a little Diva!

She is getting big so fast!! I want her to stop growing and just stay my baby forever!

On our way to Sesame Street Live. It was fun for a little, but then Alana got antsy and wasn't interested in it anymore and started being bad and bit Alan! Yes, I said she bit him! It's funny now, but at the time it made me so mad and sad. Like I had failed as a parent b/c my daughter is a biter. Which she really isn't, she never bites!! 

Big smiles!!

So that's that. I'm hoping my week will get better and I start feeling like myself soon.