An extremely long Blog because I'm behind and have a gazillion things to tell you about... ;)

Do you like that title?! It kind of sums it up. Today, Thursday, is the first day this week I have had time to sit down when both girls are napping and take a breath. So here it goes....here's what's been going on, that I've really wanted to tell you about, but I am just now getting around to it!

Easter Fun:

This past Saturday was a yucky rainy day, so Alan and I decided to make the most of it. We packed up the girls and went to Simmons Farm for an (indoor) Easter Egg hunt / crafting extravaganza! Here are the pictures to document the experience!

Painting her flower pot...she was so proud!

Getting a little help from Mom.

Now she's a pro, only needs a little help holding it still. 

Moved on to coloring

Planting her flower in her freshly painted flower pot!

This picture just melts my heart! She was so proud of her little flower....she's becoming such a big girl!

The Hunt is on!!

She really loved the Easter Egg Hunt. And Alan and I had fun too.....

Oh and Brynna, too!

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Quick trip to Sonic:

Brynna needed to eat while we were there, too. So she got to get out of her seat and come up front! She loved it....as you can see! lol

French Fries!

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Painting the kitchen:

Alan and I have been talking about re-painting our kitchen for several months now. When we first bought the house it had apple wall paper.....and I HATE wall paper!

So, we took it all down and painted it yellow. But I hated how the yellow turned out. It just was not the yellow I envisioned. So, Alan finally gave into me begging to paint the kitchen and we took the plunge and painted it this past weekend!

Here are some before and after pictures:

Before: Gross yellow.....it's really worse in person....this picture doesn't do it justice.

After: Pretty brown. After looking at them both side by side, I realize the color doesn't look all that different. Trust me, it's a major major difference and improvement! It's now a light, creamy brown color! I love it!! I guess you'll just have to come to my house to see if for yourself, if you want to see the true color! lol

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New Curtains!!

Here is a picture of my gross old kitchen curtains....

The front...

The gross faded back. 

These curtains came with the house when we bought it (3 years ago) and to their credit, I have not once taken them down and washed them.... Pretty gross, now that I think about it! lol 

So, we were well overdue for new curtains. And here they are!

Love them!

Where did i buy them, you ask??!! I made them!! I am so proud of them (can you tell?!) I am just so proud that I actually put my mind to making new curtains and I did it! And I think they look pretty darn cute! What do you think? 

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Graduation Time!

(last topic...I swear)

For the past 2 years, every Wednesday, Alan has gone straight to class after work, to get his MBA.

Well, yesterday, April 20th, was his last class.....ever! (as long as he's married to me, he will not be getting any more degrees! hehe Love you honey!) In celebration for his accomplishment, I made some cupcakes for him to share with his classmates. And, of course, I have pictures of them...duh! hehe

Enjoy!

Chocolate cupcakes !

Vanilla icing!

The beginning of the graduation hat decoration. An upside down mini Reese Cup and a square cut from a Hershey bar. This is where I got my inspiration. That "recipe" called for a square mint to go on top....but I couldn't find anything that would work, so I bought the big pack of Hershey bars and cut it into a square. 

( you can make enough for 24 cupcakes if you buy the big pack)

P.S. I do realize I still have snowman salt and pepper shapers out....it's April, it's Pennsylvania....it could still snow! lol 

Finished the hats! Used a Fruit by the Foot and cut it to make the little tassel and used an M&M and a dab of icing to attach it to the top of the hat! 

The finished product!! They turned out super cute. I love them!! I told Alan, we need some more people we know to graduate so I can make them again! They were really fun to make, and not nearly as time consuming as I thought they would be. 

My little cake tester!

Yes, I let her lick the spoon...go ahead, judge me.

And since you stuck it out through that incredibly long and random blog, I will leave you with this.....

Houston....we have a Big Girl Bed!!

We had quite a busy weekend this past week. On Friday night, as soon as Alan got home from work, we took the crib rail off Alana's crib and then ran out to Babies R Us and got a toddler rail for her bed. She was soooo incredibly excited about getting a big girl bed. She climbed in and out, in and out. She loves it. Nap time has been a tiny challenge now... the first naptime she came to the door and knocked on it, but then decided to climb back in bed and take her nap! I started using a timer for nap time this week. I set the timer on the microwave when she's eating lunch and tell her when it beeps it will be time to get down, clean up and take our nap. To my surprise it has worked great!! She wasn't crazy about it the first day, but today when I put her in her chair for lunch she said " and when the timer beeps...." ! So she totally gets it. She went in for her nap like a champ today, no crying. Notice I didn't say she went to sleep like a champ....she is still awake in there, just talking and singing...but that's ok. As long as she is resting a little I'm ok with her not sleeping the whole time. And I know she's perfectly safe in there. All furniture is strapped to the wall, blind cords are in their safety doo-dads, all outlets are covered, and I went through the toy box in her room and took out all things I wouldn't want her playing with unsupervised, (there was really nothing dangerous....just things the nervous nelly mom in me, wouldn't necessarily want her chewing on or something) like an old purse of mine.

So, my little girl is a big girl now!

Now for that potty training thing....

Ugh!! Anyway, I will leave you with some pictures of the baby to big girl transformation!

These first two are from a couple days before we switched her crib. We made the final decision to switch her because she kept getting mad at us when we took her out of her crib before she was ready to come out. So, to help her wake up and ready to get out of her crib I took Brynna in to play. I just love how they look at each other....they melt my heart.

Baby...

Big Girl ! 

*note: this is before we put the safety rail up, we didn't leave it like this....don't freak out on me!

The final product! So far she loves it. Hopefully, we have continued success!

Friday Funnies

Since it's Friday, I thought I would share some of the fun happenings that went on at my house this week.
I will warn you....most of them are about Alana, because while Brynna is incredibly adorable, she just doesn't talk yet, so Alana kind of has the upper hand at funny things.

Monday: We went to a "play group" at the library. I am the planner for playgroups and outing for my Mom's group. I planned an outing at one of the local libraries for a "class" called Wiggles and Giggles. Soooo, on Monday we went there to see what it was all about. I loved it. It was incredibly cute. All the kids stood in the middle of the room and sang along to songs and did little hand motions. Alana, however, wanted nothing to do with it and sat in the corner, in a little window. (the window is full length...so she was sitting on a little ledge on the floor, pretty much.) I just thought it was funny. My little outgoing gal wanted nothing to do with the singing and dancing. She did warm up a little bit toward the end...maybe if we go again she will like it more. Later that day she was telling my mom (on the phone) about going to the library and she told her she was nervous! lol She actually said she was nervous about it!


Tuesday: The girls and I went to the mall to get Daddy his Anniversary present. I was getting something engraved, so I took Alana to the little play area to play and kill some time. When we got to the mall I discovered that there was not a jacket in the car for Alana. we normally just leave one in there and I just never think about checking to make sure it's still in there. And of course and it was a little chilly and raining. SO, I made her wear my jacket into the mall and then bought her a $2.99 jacket from Sears! lol The only slightly funny thing that happened at the mall was while I was looking at clothes in New York and Company, Alana kept yelling " Is that Michelle?!" " Is that Michelle?!"....about one of the sales associates. She thought it was my dear friend Michelle, I guess. Not sure why....the girl looked nothing like Michelle....maybe it was because she was friendly?? Who knows! But she thought for sure that girl was Michelle!!

Wednesday: We stayed home all day on Wednesday. So, Alana just played and watched tv all day. She came up to me, in the middle of playing and said, "Do you cover your nose when you sneeze?" I said, "yes" !!
She looked at me and smiled and said, "That's what big girls do!" lol I have no idea where that came from....no one had sneezed...she just wanted to clarify, I guess!


Thursday: We went out to Joann Fabric to pick up some fabric I had ordered and to pick up some new fabric to make a couple baby gifts. Alana loves to go anywhere, really. She just likes getting out of the house. It was a beautiful day, yesterday. So, when Alan got home we took the girls outside to play. When we were out there we saw a bunny and Alana loved it. It, of course, ran away....so later Alana started running around the yard, yelling, "Bunny Wabbit....Where are you" ! No bunny appeared....I'm sure it was hiding from the screaming toddler!


Friday:  It's only 9:48 am and i already have a funny to report! I usually let Alana just talk in her bed before I go get her. This morning she was quite talkative and all of the sudden yelled, " Hey, pillow, listen to me!! I told you!!" Apparently her pillow did something wrong and she was punishing it ! lol


She really cracks me up sometimes. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up and do a little recap every Friday.


May the funnies continue!!

Happy Happy Happy Happy....Anniversary!!

Today, April 14th, is mine and Alan's 4 year wedding Anniversary! It's so hard to believe it's been 4 years already!! I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever, and to be honest....having 2 children has made it that way. Not that we didn't have a strong marriage before children, but I can honestly say, parenthood and marriage suite us both very well.

And now, for a little trip down Memory Lane:

note: I can't find my professional pictures on my laptop and I'm,quite frankly, too lazy to go searching for my CD....so these are just shots from various cameras.

My Mom and I before the wedding.

My Dad and I before the wedding.

My nephew, Skyler. He was the Ring Bearer....he is now 7 (oh my word!!)

And we're married!! 

Our pretty wedding cake. My Aunt made it for us !! 

So, there ya go...that was 4 years ago. Almost to the exact time, too. If I remember correctly, we got married at 3:30 pm....it might have been 4:30 pm though (oh dear, now I can't remember...) Anyway, it was sometimes close to this exact time! lol 

Happy 4 years My Love!!

P.S. Stay tuned for more blogging about some crafty projects I'm working on!! Kitchen curtains and baby gifts are in the works!

Party Time!!

We celebrated Alana's 2nd Birthday on April 2nd, at my parents house. She was sooo super excited about her party and actually still talks about it everyday. I made the decorations myself and i think they turned out really cute.

Here are some pictures of the party:

This was before we left for Morgantown. Alan and Brynna had fun baking for the party!

The yummy Minnie Mouse sugar cookies we made as party favors!

Alana, testing out the icing!

My Dum-Dum Minnie Mouse creation.

 ( I found this idea on another blog...not my original idea!)

I love how it turned out. I think it ended up taking around 6 bags of Dum-Dums to complete it!

I made Mickey (for the boys) and Minnie (for the girls) party hats. Unfortunately, I forgot to have the kids wear them during the party. Oh well, they still looked cute!

The Minnie cake Alan and I made. For our first tiered cake and first experience with fondant, I am extremely happy with how it turned out!

Our little birthday girl. She's getting so big!!

Cheesing it up in her Minnie ears. Note: the ears didn't last much longer after the picture was taken. No amount of guilt will make this little lady give in and wear hair accessories! lol

She was very nervous about all the guests, at first. She warmed up quick though!

Sharing a little cake with her Minnie!

My absolute favorite picture from the party!! She was soooo excited when she saw Alan carry in the presents. She squealed and yelled "PRESENTS" !! And she's on her tippy tippy toes! So cute!!

Her favorite present. I think we may have a little musician in our future!

2 Years old! So hard to believe this little lady came from Alan and I.

Our Family! 

6 years of dating...4 years of marriage(tomorrow!)...and 2 beautiful children later. 

We are so incredibly blessed! I love my little family and can't wait to see where life leads us.

Note: Brynna kinda looks like a little boy in this picture. I swear she is wearing a Minnie outfit and had a cute headband on during the party...but somewhere in the passing of the baby it was taken off without my knowledge. 

Anyway, we had such a great time celebrating Alana's 2nd birthday with our family and close friends. 

Now to start thinking about Brynna's first birthday party!! lol

2 Years!!

Tomorrow, April 1st, my little Alana will be 2 years old!! I can't even believe it. It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in the hospital. Now, she is a crazy toddler that runs around like a wild woman and never stops talking. I mean really, she never stops talking! She says absolutely everything you can imagine and lets you know her opinion often. Everyday is an exciting adventure with her. She loves Dora and Mickey Clubhouse. Honestly, she probably watched way to much tv, but I credit it for a lot of the things she has learned. One evening, we all went downstairs to play. There is a large toy box with a lid that lifts and slides back out of the way...so it's a little tricky for her to get on her own. I was in the laundry room and heard her yelling "Ayudeme, Ayudeme" I told Alan I thought she was saying something in Spanish. So he looked

 it up and she was saying "Help me", In Spanish!! She learned how to say something in Spanish

 from tv!! She just amazes me sometimes. 

So tomorrow we are heading to Morgantown to get ready for Alana's 2nd birthday party, at my 

parent's house! The party is Minnie Mouse themed with lots of cute decor and snacks.

Alan and I made Minnie Mouse sugar cookies for the party today and when Alana saw the she

 said "How Wonderful! " lol 

I will definitely post an update with tons of pictures from the party. I have worked super hard on

 making all the decorations and prep for the party!! I hope she likes it!

Sleep??

Not being able to sleep has to be one of the most annoying things I've ever dealt with. It has been going on for far far too long. The first couple weeks I didn't really think much of it. I've never really been a great sleeper. I have never been one to fall right to sleep. My husband, however, falls asleep minutes after closing his eyes. I so wish that were me! I have always needed a tv to fall asleep. Which is a horrible crutch. I hope to avoid it with my kids, if possible. I don't remember a time that I didn't use a tv to help me fall asleep. I hate the dark...absolutely hate it. The unknown factor of it just totally creeps me out. I hate my creeky house and that it only makes noises in the middle of the night. I hate that I'm 27 years old and still have these irrational fears!
Seriously, I should be the one able to comfort my girls when they are older and afraid of the dark or the monster under the bed. But, I would be huddled on the bed with them, hiding under the covers.

Really, I just need to suck it up and keep calling the doctors office until I get an appointment or some answers. All of it stems from my postpartum depression/anxiety. When I had my check-up after having Brynna I talked to the doctor about my postpartum and she referred me to a place...maybe you could call it a clinic or something. Well, I called to get an appointment and the man that answered the phone was incredibly rude and condescending. He told me that I would need to talk to him on the phone for 15 minutes and then he would decide if he should refer me to see a doctor...and that I wouldn't be able to see a doctor for at least 3 months. Oh and to top it off he told me the only way he could speak to me and set up a possible appointment would be to give him my social security number. Ummm, no. So that was a dead end. I told myself I would just wait it out and if I didn't feel better I would call my doctor back and get a different reference. Well, it stayed the same...got a little worse...got a little better and then came back full force and has now resulted in me pretty much never sleeping and if I do happen to dose off  I wake up in a terror/panic multiple times a night. So on Friday I finally sucked it up and decided to call my doctor to get an appointment. I waited to call during Alana's nap, so there wouldn't be a screaming toddler in the background while I'm trying to talk to them. So, of course on Fridays the office closes at 2:00. Go figure.

I should have called back today....I so wish I would have. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm fine and don't really have the depression or anxiety anymore. I mean, I don't lay around the house in a funk or feel overwhelmingly sad. It's just like a switch goes off. If Alana is being really bad and throwing a tantrum...which happens more often than I wish to admit these days....I totally lose it. I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm having a complete nervous break down and collapse into a puddle of tears. It makes me feel like a horrible mom, and feel like my life is completely over. I know that's probably a little dramatic, but in the moment all I can think about is that it will always be like this...she will always be a brat...she will always kick and scream because she doesn't want to eat lunch or some other random thing. Alan and I will never be able to go out and leave her with a babysitter b/c I would be so embarrassed and feel horrible to make someone else deal with that.

The other switch that goes off is just immense sadness. I was in the car with just Alana the other day and a song came on the radio...I don't even remember what song it was....but it for some reason made me think of having another baby. This then spun me into a spiral of thinking how I will never, no matter how many children I have get to experience the type of birth I want. I will never get a baby placed on my chest after birth . I will always be strapped down and cut open. I will never get to go into labor on my own. And it all just made me sit at a red light and cry. I know, I know...big pity party for me. I know I should be (and I am) incredibly grateful that I am able to have healthy, beautiful children. But it's not how I pictured it. It's not what I wanted. I don't know anyone that dreams of having a c-section some day....if they do, that's strange.

The anxiety is just hard to explain. If you've ever imagined something bad happening....just imagine doing that all day, everyday. I can't sleep because every noise I hear I think is someone trying to break in or that someone is already in the house. I worry that maybe someone followed me home from the store and is just waiting for the wee hours of the morning to break in and kill us all. I worry about the house catching on fire. I worry about something horrible happening to my girls....choking, falling....really anything horrible that could happen to a person...I've worried about it happening to my girls.

This is really the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I try to act like it's not happening and go on with life. I don't even think my husband knows the half of what I'm dealing with in this head of mine. Not because he's not supportive or caring....but b/c I hide it from him. I'm embarrassed...ashamed...disappointed and feel like a failure because I can't get over this.

I know the solution will be counseling and medicine...but then the worrier in me doesn't want to take any medicine because I'm breastfeeding, and I don't want to give that up. It's really just a viscous cycle.

 A cycle of no sleep and taking care of kids.